When it comes to child’s behaviour, there is a golden rule: It is too late to teach someone to swim when they are already drowning. If you want your child to be able to calm themselves during a meltdown, you have to practice those skills during “the calm”.
By moving away from purely punitive measures and focusing on instructional consequences, you can help your child build a toolkit for self-regulation.
Here are four proven strategies to get you started:
- Create a “Zen Den” or “Calm down corner”
Every home can benefit from a designated quiet space for de-escalation. This isn’t a “time-out” corner, but a sensory-friendly area. Fill it with:
- Quiet background music
- Sensory items like bubblers or pinwheels
- Calming books and “calming cards” that remind them of their coping skills
- Breathing exercise visual cues
2. Use the “Turtle Technique”
This is a specific scripted story used to help children recognise their anger, “stop,” tuck into their “shell,” and take three deep breaths to think calm thoughts until they are ready to find a solution.
Here are the steps:
- Recognise their anger
- Stop what they are doing
- Tuck into their “shell” (their own space)
- Take three deep breaths and think calm thoughts until they are ready to find a solution.
3. Visual Schedules & Transition Markers
These are highlighted as essential tools to aid with adaptability. Predictable routines and visual aids like “Now/Next” boards or visual schedules help children feel secure and reduce the frequency of act-outs. It is because when a child can see exactly what is coming next, it reduces the anxiety of the unknown and makes moving from activity to activity much smoother.
4. Model “Whole Body Listening”
Sometimes kids act out because they don’t know how to focus. Use visual posters to teach them that listening isn’t just about the ears—it involves the eyes (looking at the speaker), the mouth (staying quiet), the hands (keeping them to yourself), and even the heart (caring about what is being said).
By teaching these skills through play and during quiet moments, you are giving your child the “swimming lessons” they need to survive the next emotional storm.
References
Lentini, R. (2005, March). Tucker Turtle takes time to tuck and think: A scripted story to assist with teaching the “Turtle Technique”. (As cited in Morris, 2024).
Morris, K. K. (2024, May). Help your students develop self-regulation skills to improve behavior and increase learning [Handout]. igivuWings.
Myles, B. S. (2017, October 9). ASD and regulation: The brain, meltdowns, and evidence-based practices: Part 1 [Webinar]. Virginia Commonwealth University. (As cited in Morris, 2024).
Wilson, K., & Slutter, E. (2011). Whole Body Listening! SocialThinking.com. (As cited in Morris, 2024).